Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Eight Minutes

Eight minutes to just quickly say
everything that's running circles in my head

I'm not exactly excited about wedding after wedding
I don't see fulfillment in reaching the same goals
I don't want to follow just to be in touch
But I still miss them all, all the same

I hate that I'm an angry person
I hate that what I got from him was that
This boiled and concentrated pit of black
that only explodes in the confines of home

I'm frustrated with not having the things I want
and knowing that some of them are things I actually need
I look around and grow crazy with frustration
and yet can't lift a thumb in movement

I hate being lazy
I hate being cash-strapped
I hate being a different version of me

My mind wants to run back almost 15 years
My body ran forward almost 20
I do not see me in me

My eight minutes are up

Monday, April 21, 2008

Something Learned

I watched something amazing happen this weekend and I was ithcing to share it with A.V. but she's in Cuba!

My father changed.

The whole situation with my Nan has been trying to say the least, and I think, for reasons too many to account for here, especially hard on my Dad. He won't talk about it - he may spill a sentence here or there, but mostly we've been seeing his emotions in outbursts of frustration and anger - and sadly - mostly towards Nan.

But this weekend... I don't know - it just all changed.

When I think of any situation that involves multiple players, my personal visual connotation always evolves as a white void that has floating pods of grass and dirt where people stand. Each pod represents a different way of being, or thinking, or a "side" that you are on.

For our current environment - my father has been stuck on the same pod from the beginning till now - Anger and Frustration. In the beginning, he actually had some company, but as the months have passed by, most everyone in the family has fallen onto one of three other pods: that of Appreciative Laughter, Caring Manipulation, and Ever-lasting Patience. I myself have been skipping around on all three - with a few dips to visit Dad every now and then as his feeling isn't wrong, and we all get to the same place at points - it was just for him, it was lasting too long.

But this weekend - Dad magically appeared on Caring Manipulation with a hop and jump to Ever-lasting Patience here and there. It was so weird - but so... good.

So Dad - congratulations and awesome job. You changed, and it was amazing to see.