Sometimes starting again...

...just requires starting.

And so I did. Fully admit it required me almost feeling entirely lost unto myself to get there - and possibly knowing that I'm not leaving this rip-torn realm anytime soon - but I welcome with open arms the feeling of warmth and release it is bringing me - if only for slight moments while the darkness encroaches further still.

I'm writing again... that's all that matters. Apparently happiness is not an emotion to induce greatness from me - but to be honest, I don't really care. The subsisting was worse - the false happiness - the false "fine". What a ridiculous wish of life - to simply be.

I'll be honest, as I do hope I do not lose my other loves in pursuit of finding this one again - but I need it - now more than ever. So ashamed of how far I drifted, so angry at what I've let others do to me - make me feel - allowed to present of myself as myself when really they know nothing at all.

I am so much more than this shell I've become - to look into the past and see a fuller life than that which exists now is pitiful.

There is no one else to blame but myself - while the effects feel as if from outside forces - it is only I alone who let them have the power that they think they have - for no one has any power except that which you give them.

This is but one arm of my power - I lost it but it chose to find me again - it chose to give me a second chance - and it begs me not to become again that which I was only a day ago. I am on a new road now - even if only the first step has been taken.